Insight to a perplexed mind.
Insight to a perplexed mind.


Insight to a perplexed mind.

every day, i will be updating this blog with my face. only pictures of me from my webcam. to document changes with me, my mood, my life, and well, my hair growth haha. this is for me.
ask, theme
This is the best I’m going to do this morning. It’s 7:40 and I’m exhausted, but I know I couldn’t go back to sleep if I tried.  I’m extremely nervous for the next few weeks.. It’s getting closer and closer to the time to go back to school, and I’m still lost as to where I wanna go and what I want to do. I could just make it easy and go back to EIU. But it’s in the middle of nowhere and I can’t stand most of the people I’ve met there, plus I don’t feel like I get my work done while I’m there. I thought of going to the community college, which is probably where I’m going to end up, but I still have to take the acceptance test for it, or placement test.. So I’m going to go take that soon, after I go up there and sign up for it today. Then I have to clean out my room and the other room. My room has gotten better, and the other room is at least on a roll with something. I can’t wait for Kristina and Kyle to come down from Chicago to see Fleet Foxes.  Other than all that, things have pretty much been the same. I’ve been kind of keeping to myself lately, and Topher is the only person I see on a regular basis (besides my family of course.) I hardly see Ashton anymore. I see Brooke somewhat… I hang out with a few other people, but it all comes down to me not being able to trust anyone anymore.  I’ve finally got to the point of just leaving Cory alone and being somewhat okay with it. I mean, if he doesn’t care about me enough to still try and be friends with me, then it’s not worth it for me to try. He didn’t care enough about us to try.. He cared about me, but he couldn’t make up a decision, and honestly I should have left him before he left me but I was so oblivious and in love and thought that he wouldn’t leave me and he’d ask me out again soon. I was obviously very wrong. I do miss him, but at this point, he’s moved on to a new girl and there’s nothing I can do about it. I want him happy, and that’s what he is, so.. I’m done with the situation. Besides, Aaron’s come back into my life. Aaron Pittman. I’ll only have him here with me for a month, well less than now, but we’re making the most out of it. He’s moving to Chicago in August. Which still bothers me to think about… Just as soon as he comes back into my life, he’s leaving. Sometimes I hate how things happen. I’m dreading the day he leaves. We were talking the other day and he’s made me realize how much I’m missing out by living in this dumb city. How much I’ve missed by just staying here and moping around. I know I’ll move out of here soon enough, into a bigger city that’s actually going somewhere, or somewhere by the sea, or the mountains. I just know I’m destined to be somewhere but here. Things will be better, I’m getting better. I miss certain things.. but I’ll be fine. I need to go back to sleep in all honesty. I hate waking up and there’s so much on my mind. Bleh. I’m going to lay back down. I’ll probably not sleep, because I work in two hours and get ready in an hour, but it’s a shot. /:

This is the best I’m going to do this morning. It’s 7:40 and I’m exhausted, but I know I couldn’t go back to sleep if I tried. 

I’m extremely nervous for the next few weeks.. It’s getting closer and closer to the time to go back to school, and I’m still lost as to where I wanna go and what I want to do. I could just make it easy and go back to EIU. But it’s in the middle of nowhere and I can’t stand most of the people I’ve met there, plus I don’t feel like I get my work done while I’m there. I thought of going to the community college, which is probably where I’m going to end up, but I still have to take the acceptance test for it, or placement test.. So I’m going to go take that soon, after I go up there and sign up for it today.

Then I have to clean out my room and the other room. My room has gotten better, and the other room is at least on a roll with something. I can’t wait for Kristina and Kyle to come down from Chicago to see Fleet Foxes. 

Other than all that, things have pretty much been the same. I’ve been kind of keeping to myself lately, and Topher is the only person I see on a regular basis (besides my family of course.) I hardly see Ashton anymore. I see Brooke somewhat… I hang out with a few other people, but it all comes down to me not being able to trust anyone anymore. 

I’ve finally got to the point of just leaving Cory alone and being somewhat okay with it. I mean, if he doesn’t care about me enough to still try and be friends with me, then it’s not worth it for me to try. He didn’t care enough about us to try.. He cared about me, but he couldn’t make up a decision, and honestly I should have left him before he left me but I was so oblivious and in love and thought that he wouldn’t leave me and he’d ask me out again soon. I was obviously very wrong. I do miss him, but at this point, he’s moved on to a new girl and there’s nothing I can do about it. I want him happy, and that’s what he is, so.. I’m done with the situation.

Besides, Aaron’s come back into my life. Aaron Pittman. I’ll only have him here with me for a month, well less than now, but we’re making the most out of it. He’s moving to Chicago in August. Which still bothers me to think about… Just as soon as he comes back into my life, he’s leaving. Sometimes I hate how things happen. I’m dreading the day he leaves. We were talking the other day and he’s made me realize how much I’m missing out by living in this dumb city. How much I’ve missed by just staying here and moping around. I know I’ll move out of here soon enough, into a bigger city that’s actually going somewhere, or somewhere by the sea, or the mountains. I just know I’m destined to be somewhere but here. Things will be better, I’m getting better. I miss certain things.. but I’ll be fine. I need to go back to sleep in all honesty. I hate waking up and there’s so much on my mind. Bleh. I’m going to lay back down. I’ll probably not sleep, because I work in two hours and get ready in an hour, but it’s a shot. /:

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